Ah, the English countryside with rolling hills of green grasses, wildflowers, and forests; valleys with villages nestled deep within; cattle grazing and sheep blocking the roadways. Driving into one of these quaint villages, parking outside the pub, walking in and being greeted by the publican and his smiling wife.
“What it’ll be yer having?”, he asked, and you answer with, “A pint of bitter and ploughman’s lunch will do me fine.” “Right then, let me get to pouring while the wife puts together yer food. Sit anywhere yer like, oh oy, don’t be minding that body at the far table. Constable will be coming soon to clean that all up.”
….and welcome to Midsomer, where murder is as frequent as a leaky roof on the local church.
All this past week I have been enjoying another marathon of watching “Midsomer Murders” using a free streaming service, Tubi. Twenty-three, of its twenty-five, seasons are available, the ads are few, and short in duration. “Midsomer” began in 1997 and is still as popular in 2025 as when it first began, with DCI Tom Barnaby, or his cousin, DCI John Barnaby, a new DC every few years, and a variety of quirky characters, and villains of child age to senior; vicious, logical, insane or senile following typical motives of greed, lust, envy, and “just for the fun or it”.
One episode is from season 10 called “Sauce for the Goose” which starts with an unusual murder at the world renown Plummers Relish Factory. Tom Barnaby remarks to his wife, Joyce, “My father would put Plummers relish on his sandwiches every day.” Plummers Piquant Relish was based upon the authentic and world renown English relish, Branston, but could not use the name due to copyright infringement. When Barnaby read the ingredient label, “scotch bonnet”, a very hot pepper, was named, as this slight change would ensure, again, no copyright infringement of Branston’s.
What is English relish? A very flavorful mix of vegetables, apples, dates, raisins, vinegar, spices and flavorings. It is actually a type of chutney which has its culinary roots in India, but there the product is definitely more on the hotter side of the Scoville scale.
…and before you have to wonder, yes, we have Branston’s in our pantry, or, once opened, refrigerator, both original and small chunk varieties. Roy likes to spread it on his sandwiches, both hot and cold, but not on a daily basis as with Tom Barnaby’s father. Personally, I find the mixture of sweet, salty, tangy and savory to be too strong for my taste buds; while Roy can eat it by the spoonful.
The Ploughman's Lunch
Now to the second item
which is the Ploughman’s Lunch. Dating
back to 14th century England, a meal of bread, cheese, onions, sliced
meat (if any was to be had) and fruit (apples or wild berries) was simple to
gather up into a pouch, and carry out to work.
In the 1950s, the Cheese Bureau created the name, “Ploughman’s Lunch” to
get the populace more interested in eating cheese after World War 2. The Milk Marketing Board began using the
name, in the 1960s, to push the idea of a simple, wholesome and delicious
meal. Of course, any pub, worth its
salt, would have it on the menu alongside Shepherd’s Pie, Fish and Chips,
Bangers and Mash, Toad in the Hole and Steak and Kidney Pie.
Ah, the Charcuterie board, which the French began creating in the 15th century, but for the rich and royal. It consisted of a variety of richer and finer cheeses, breads, meats, condiments, fruits, nuts and paired with the finest wines. It seems to have become all the rage in the USA, since the end of the pandemic, when folks could socialize once more, and actually share foods from the same platter.
But, when it comes to “Who did it first?”, that goes to Italy, when in ancient Rome, the antipasto platter was served at the start of a banquet. Its main goal was to stimulate the appetite, so the main meal could be eaten with gusto.
Branston Pickle Relish
While Branston’s is available for purchase via Amazon, I was able to find an English food blogger who has a copycat recipe of the product. The difference is, she does not use all the preservatives needed for the jars to sit on store shelves, or in warehouses, indefinitely.
English Pickle Relish
(Culinary Ginger - https://culinaryginger.com/english-pickle-relish/ )
For cube size, original or regular relish uses large dice, while small chunk uses small dice when cutting the fruits and vegetables.
Ingredients:
1 cup carrots, peeled and cut into small cubes
1/2 cup rutabaga, peeled and cut into small cubes (turnips or parsnips are good substitutes)
1/2 cup red apples, peeled and cut into small cubes
1 cup dates, chopped
1 cup raisins
1 cup white onions, finely chopped
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 and 3/4 cups malt vinegar
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
Instructions:
Add all ingredients to a large saucepan (2-quart); bring to a simmer (low heat) and cook for 1 hour until the rutabaga is tender and the liquid is reduced and syrupy, allow to cool.
The blogger’s method of sterilizing jars and lids: Preheat oven to 225°F.
Wash the jars and lids in hot soapy water and rinse well. Place them on a baking sheet and allow them to dry in the preheated oven for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, turn off the oven and leave them in there until you are ready to use them.
Fill the jars with the pickle and seal. Refrigerate for 2 weeks, then the pickle is ready to eat. For long term-preservation, will keep for up to 6 weeks when refrigerated
Yield: 8 - 16-ounce mason jars with a screw top lid.
Mary Cokenour
